The Childhood Concept Making an Adult Comeback

Parallel play first entered developmental psychology through Mildred Parten’s 1932 social participation research, where she identified it as a stage where toddlers play alongside—but not directly with—their peers. For decades, this was viewed as merely a developmental stepping stone toward more “mature” cooperative play. Children engaging in parallel play might build separate block towers while sitting next to each other, independently coloring at the same table, or playing with different toys while occasionally glancing at what others are doing. The behavior was considered normal and healthy for children between 18-24 months, but something to eventually outgrow.

Fast forward to today, and psychologists are noticing this same dynamic appearing spontaneously in adult relationships. The pressure to be “always on” in social situations has created a longing for less demanding forms of togetherness. Adults are increasingly seeking ways to maintain connection without the emotional labor of constant engagement. This shift represents not a regression to childhood, but rather a sophisticated adaptation to modern social needs—acknowledging that sharing space can be as meaningful as sharing conversation.

The Psychology Behind Adult Parallel Play

The resurgence of parallel play among adults reveals fascinating psychological insights about human connection. According to social psychologists, this behavior satisfies our fundamental need for belonging while respecting our equally important need for autonomy. Unlike traditional socializing that demands active verbal exchange and emotional energy, parallel play creates what researchers call “low-pressure socialization”—the comforting presence of others without performance anxiety.

This balance addresses what many social scientists identify as a growing tension in modern life: the simultaneous increase in loneliness alongside social exhaustion. By 2023, over 61% of young adults reported feeling lonely despite being more digitally connected than ever. Parallel play offers a solution by providing ambient sociality—the psychological benefits of human proximity without the cognitive load of interaction. Neuroscience supports this approach, as studies show that simply being in the presence of others we trust can release oxytocin and reduce cortisol levels, even without direct engagement.

The pandemic accelerated this trend by forcing people to reconsider what constitutes meaningful connection. When restrictions limited traditional socializing, many discovered that simply being together—each engaged in individual activities—created an intimacy previously undervalued. This rediscovery suggests that parallel play isn’t a developmental phase we outgrow but rather a fundamental mode of human connection we’ve historically overlooked.

Modern Manifestations: How Adults Parallel Play

Today’s expressions of adult parallel play take numerous forms across various settings. The “working alone together” phenomenon has become ubiquitous in coffee shops where strangers and friends alike sit for hours, each absorbed in their laptops while drawing comfort from ambient companionship. Friend groups organize “parallel hangouts” where the explicit purpose is to gather in a shared space while engaging in separate activities—one person might knit while another plays a video game and a third reads a book.

Digital platforms have adapted to facilitate virtual parallel play experiences. Apps like “Chill” connect people who want to work alongside others remotely via video, with minimal expectation for interaction. Book clubs have evolved beyond discussion-focused gatherings to include “silent reading parties” where participants read individually in the same physical or virtual space, speaking only during designated breaks. Fitness communities practice “alone together” workouts, where participants exercise independently while sharing space and occasional encouragement.

Couples and roommates increasingly schedule “parallel leisure time,” deliberately sharing a living room while pursuing different activities—one watching a show with headphones while another paints or writes. This approach allows for the comfort of proximity while honoring individual interests. Museums and libraries have begun designing spaces specifically for this dynamic, creating environments where people can engage with content individually while feeling part of a collective experience.

The Cultural Context: Why Now?

The rising popularity of adult parallel play reflects broader societal shifts in how we understand social connection. The hyperconnected digital landscape has paradoxically led to widespread social fatigue—a state psychologists describe as “social battery depletion.” Constant availability through technologies that demand immediate response has transformed socializing from pleasurable to performative for many adults. Parallel play offers respite from this performance pressure while still satisfying our need for human presence.

Economic factors play a role as well. As living spaces become smaller and more expensive in urban centers, shared spaces take on greater importance. When private space is limited, the ability to be comfortably alone in public becomes essential. Parallel play provides a framework for this kind of public solitude with others. Additionally, changing work patterns—including remote and flexible arrangements—have blurred boundaries between professional and personal time, creating both opportunity and need for more fluid social experiences.

Cultural attitudes toward introversion have also evolved significantly. What was once pathologized as antisocial behavior is increasingly recognized as a valid temperament deserving accommodation. Parallel play offers introverts and those with social anxiety a way to maintain connections without the overwhelming nature of conventional socializing. This cultural shift reflects growing awareness that meaningful connection takes many forms beyond conversation-centered interaction.

Benefits and Criticisms of the Parallel Play Revival

Research suggests numerous benefits to incorporating parallel play into adult relationships. Studies in social psychology find that it can strengthen bonds through what researchers call “low-stakes intimacy”—the gradual building of trust through shared presence rather than shared disclosure. For relationships undergoing tension, parallel play provides a non-confrontational way to rebuild comfort and connection before addressing difficult topics.

Mental health professionals note that parallel play offers unique psychological advantages: it reduces social performance anxiety while preventing isolation, creating an optimal middle ground. Neurodivergent individuals, particularly those on the autism spectrum or with ADHD, often report that parallel play allows them to regulate sensory input while maintaining connection—something traditional socializing makes difficult.

Critics, however, worry that embracing parallel play may enable avoidance of deeper connection. Some relationship experts caution that while valuable as one component of friendship, parallel play shouldn’t replace more vulnerable forms of interaction entirely. Others express concern that the trend reflects capitalist productivity culture infiltrating even our leisure time—the pressure to multitask connection and productivity rather than fully engaging in either.

The healthiest approach appears to be balance: recognizing parallel play as one valuable mode of connection within a diverse relationship repertoire. Different relationships and situations may call for different engagement styles, with parallel play offering a legitimate alternative rather than a replacement for other forms of togetherness.

Cultivating Meaningful Parallel Play Connections

For those interested in incorporating parallel play into their social lives, several approaches have proven effective. Beginning with clear communication is essential—explicitly discussing comfort with silence and independent activity prevents misunderstandings about expectations. Designating regular times for parallel activities helps establish this dynamic as a normal part of friendship or partnership rather than an exception.

Creating environments conducive to parallel play involves thoughtful consideration of physical and psychological comfort. Shared spaces should accommodate individual activities while maintaining proximity—perhaps a living room with multiple comfortable seating options or a table large enough for different projects. Establishing loose rituals, like brief check-ins or shared meals before or after parallel activities, can provide structure while preserving independence.

Technology can either enhance or hinder parallel play dynamics, depending on how it’s used. Setting boundaries around device use—perhaps agreeing that phones are for intentional sharing rather than escape—helps maintain the integrity of shared presence. Some groups establish technology-free parallel play sessions to ensure genuine rather than performative engagement with individual activities.

As adult parallel play continues gaining recognition as a legitimate social need rather than developmental regression, we may see more intentional design of both physical spaces and social expectations to accommodate this valuable form of connection. The revival of this childhood concept in adult relationships reminds us that sometimes the most sophisticated understanding of human connection involves returning to basics—the simple comfort of being together, side by side, each in our own world yet fundamentally not alone.